After sixteen months of bullshit Brad and I are done. I don't want that to sounds aggressive or even like we were an item, because we weren't, but we're done. What a contradiction of a sentence. After feeling like an asshole all day I apologized. And later said to him, in our brief conversation, that this was not what I wanted.
What did I want? What do I want? He seemed so thoughtful and sincere when he asked me if he had done something wrong to upset me. And then when I told him things were done. He apologized for his caviler attitude toward fucking not being becoming of him. Did he mean it? Why didn't we become something more? And why do I care so much when he clearly doesn't. Or maybe I'm just scared. I'm terrified no one will ever want me. But I know that's just in my head and that this fear is just irrational, and I will get over it.
Anyway it's funny to think that Savy wasn't the person I talked to about this, but Rico. Maybe things are shifting a bit more. Maybe this will shift me towards something good and new.
But for now I feel a little sad. It's an end of an era.
What did I want? What do I want? He seemed so thoughtful and sincere when he asked me if he had done something wrong to upset me. And then when I told him things were done. He apologized for his caviler attitude toward fucking not being becoming of him. Did he mean it? Why didn't we become something more? And why do I care so much when he clearly doesn't. Or maybe I'm just scared. I'm terrified no one will ever want me. But I know that's just in my head and that this fear is just irrational, and I will get over it.
Anyway it's funny to think that Savy wasn't the person I talked to about this, but Rico. Maybe things are shifting a bit more. Maybe this will shift me towards something good and new.
But for now I feel a little sad. It's an end of an era.
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